Monday, August 16, 2004

A Capital Idea

Okay, this is just plain idiotic...

Remember Wired magazine? How it used to be all cool and stuff way back in the 1990s? And how nobody cares about it anymore? (I hear you asking, "Wow, that thing still exists??") Well that same Wired magazine has a Web site now, which is apparently called Wired News. This Internet publication declared that as of today it is changing some long-standing grammar rules; namely, Wired will no longer capitalize Internet, Net, or Web.

So, this begs the question, "Um, and just who do you think you are, Wired News? Aren't you that washed up lame-o news rag that nobody reads anymore?" To which Wired News would probably reply, "Why, no, we have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. We own the internet." To which you'd reply, "Um, you misspelled Internet, doofus." To which it would reply, "Actually, that's how it's spelled now. We're not German, you know."

I'm serious. Wired would say exactly that. How do I know? Because they said almost exactly that in their article. Go ahead, open it in a new tab and take a look. Now the Almighty Wired thinks it's proper to make fun of Germans. Didn't that go out of style shortly after World War II? Come on, Wired, Germany's cool now. It has been for a while. Wolfenstein? Rammstein? Franken—oh, wait, no, not that one. Well, anyway, Germany's cool. So while you're stuck in ye days of olde, the rest of us are right here in the present. Not liking your attempts to poke fun at Germany or changing English grammar rules.

Really now, even if Wired was some kind of actual Internet authority, where does it get off thinking it can change the English language?

Oh my gosh. I just realized that the fool who wrote this Wired article has my last name. That just makes me mad.

For the love of all that is good in this world, don't start lowercasing Internet or Web. I don't care if you lowercase Net (since I always thought a more grammatical way to write it was 'net anyway), but Internet and Web are supposed to be capitalized. Microsoft Word marks "internet" as a grammatical error because it is. "Web" is supposed to be capitalized because it's an abbreviated form of "World Wide Web," and even Wired still plans to capitalize "World Wide Web" (because it's a "more official entity," which apparently the Internet is not... go figure).

Honestly, I think Wired is mainly doing this as a publicity stunt ("Wait, you're really serious that Wired still exists?!"). And now, like a fool, I'm giving them free publicity. Because, you know, now all two of you who read my blog might actually click on the links I gave to Wired's site. Nevertheless, I feel that as a netizen I have the duty to uphold and defend all that is true and right. Like the capitalization of "Internet" and "Web." And so I call on you, my fellow netizens, to take a stand against the washed up Wired publication. Take a stand and keep on capitalizing! Show Wired just how little it means to us!

Do it because you're a good netizen. And because, you know, I said so.

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